


Snap Shoot

by howoo, oonseentia



Series: Network Love [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Cameons and mentions to other idols, Catfishing, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Felix and Vernon are roommates, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Seungkwan's roommates are Jeonghan and Seokmin, Side Chanlix, Side Seokjae, Texting, Twitter, idiots to lovers, of sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21543601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howoo/pseuds/howoo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oonseentia/pseuds/oonseentia
Summary: You beside me and me beside youin this moment Shoot!I know in the end there are no easy thingsbut since I have you everything is alrightfor me love’s just that, nothing elseour smiles in the photo are all⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞He looked over the Twitter notifications, thinking most of them should be congratulatory messages he got from mutuals, but then he read something that made his internal organs do a bungee-jump inside his body. @chwenotchew replied to your message.The screenname made his heart do a Pavlovian jump in his chest, only to plummet all the way down to his stomach as his hungover brain processed the rest of the sentence. @chwenotchew replied to your message.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Series: Network Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552633
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. The one with Jeonghan's feet pictures

**Author's Note:**

> howoo (emme): this monster has been on the works FOR MONTHS, but An Ode has graced us with the right titles
> 
> oon: if anything stands out as particularly cheesy, it's probably one of my parts

“You want my what?” Jeonghan half yells, making the whole office turn their heads towards them. They are in the copy room, which, in the convoluted scheme of modern open offices, is just another cubicle with glass walls and no doors, so everyone can see what they are doing in there.

Seungkwan grabs him by the arm and whispers in a menacing tone, "I swear to God, if I get sent to an HR meeting because of you, hyung..."

Jeonghan snatches his arm back and rubs it as if it actually hurt. "You're the one asking me for my personal photos, I should be filing a complaint against you!"

“Oh God, do you have to phrase it like that? It makes me sound like a 70 years old dude on Grindr asking for pictures of your feet or something.”

“I got really good money in college doing that,” Jeonghan tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.

“I drank a lot in college and I'm starting to consider picking up the habit again,” Seungkwan rubs his face. “Well, I’m still in college, but I no longer drink as much and I wasn't asking for ‘personal pictures', God. Just like, regular selfies.”

“Well, they're mine, so, technically, still my personal photos.”

“Technically, all photos would be personal photos, then.”

“I wouldn't need to ask you for stock pictures.” This exchange was starting to wear him out and Seungkwan was starting to ask himself how he was able to work _and_ live with Jeonghan, or if his little project was really worth this useless discussion. “So, what do you say, hyung?”

“You want my selfies to attract a guy on the internet you have a crush on?”

“Well _technically_ no, I'll ‘catfish’ him,” he does air quotes with his fingers, “but he'll know it's not me in the pictures.”

“Wow, in the long and illustrious history of stupid shit you’ve done, this is by far the stupidest,” his flatmate leans against the copy machine, crossing his arms. “Um,” he adds, faking a pensive expression, “Kwannie, not to tell you how you should live your life, but what does anyone stand to gain from this?”

“Please, hyung, help a brother out.”

“Ok, maybe I misspoke,” the older tilts his head with a crooked smile and Seungkwan knows what’s coming next and he’s already dreading it. “When I asked ‘what does anyone stand to gain from this’, I mostly meant me.”

Yep, there he was. Yoon Jeonghan. Probably what God was thinking of when he invented the word “sly”.

“I can... pay you dinner? Oh, but you'll have to wait for my next paycheck.”

“Pass,” he gestures vaguely with his hand to improve the offer.

“I could do the laundry this week, since it was your turn…?” Seungkwan asks, hopeful.

“Eh...... pass.”

“What do you want? Just tell me already!” He whispers, already frustrated with how things are going.

“What I really want is to never do this,” Jeonghan gestures vaguely to the copy room, “ever again. Which, huh… how about it? You take the shitty part of my workload, and I'll give you all the feet pictures you want.”

“They're not feet pictures for fuck’s sakes, if anything, my feet are better looking!” His voice picks up volume and now more people are looking up from their cubicles.

“Oh, and coffee runs. That too. Take care of that and the feet pics are yours.”

“You know what, I don't think you're good looking enough for this to be worth the mental toil.”

“Ok, ok, I was kidding.” He pauses, then adds “about the feet thing, I mean. The copy and coffee runs are still on.”

“Or good luck getting Seokmin to look good on camera,” Jeonghan adds as a final blow.

Seungkwan takes his time to think for a while. Is his dumb catfishing pseudo plan worth selling his soul to Satan himself? 

Jeonghan leans back against the old printer with an unnecessarily long sigh, crossing his arms and flicking his hair back. No, Satan would be more avid to cut a deal.

“Ok, so, last offer, are you gonna do the parts of my work I don't wanna do or what? To fake catfish your internet crush.” He picks a hair strand and examines its ends. “God, I don't get the youth.”

“Hyung, you’re only three years older than me,” Seungkwan deadpans. “Two and a half, if you consider our actual birth dates.” He pinches his nose bridge, already regretting what he’s about to say, “But yes, I accept it.”

"Great!" He says with a smile faker than his blond hair, clapping Seungkwan roughly on the shoulder. "You can start by taking those papers to the fifth floor when they're done. I have to go do literally anything else,” and then storms off the copy room.

“The sad part is that this is slightly more than I thought my pride was worth,” Seungkwan mutters to himself, while gathering the copies he just made and tucks them under his arm. "At least, since last week," he continues with a sigh, before making a very conscious effort Not To Think About Last Week.

  
  


⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

**The Last Week**

Boo Seungkwan has always been a bit shameless - not necessarily in a bad way, rather in that cheeky way some people are just born with. The type of guy that, when offered a bite of food out of politeness, would go 'yeah, actually, thanks' and take a huge bite.

So, when he found himself unable to talk to a certain guy on Twitter, it felt rather unnatural to him. This was, after all, The Internet. The place to hit on strangers out of your league and then vanish into anonymity when they inevitably reject you. 

The post that originated all the suffering was rather innocent. It was clearly a joke, but it was also a great conversation starter.

**\--**

_hey can someone catfish me it's for my thesis (it's not)_

_((but seriously i need to get my mixtape out there))_

@Knnovation: @chwenotchew $100 bucks and im ur man

@chwenotchew: @Knnovation

**\--**

Seungkwan toyed with every possible interaction. He tried replying with an emoji, a meme, a _vaporwave_ meme, until he, without noticing, had opened a new window to send the guy a DM. And then, proceeded to stare at his phone screen for days.

"It's just a boy, Kwannie," his roommate said, tossing himself dramatically into the couch and slapping Seungkwan's arms out of the way to lay his head on his lap. "There's a billion of them out there. Just talk to him."

"Pretty sure there's more than a billion men out there, hyung."

"My point exactly."

Seungkwan sighed, locking his phone again. Of course it would be this simple to Jeonghan, a man who once went to the hospital with food poisoning and came back with the phone numbers of three different nurses.

"What is it, hyung?" asks Seokmin, his other roommate, coming from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of popcorn. "What are you talking about?" Jeonghan takes his legs out of the way so Seokmin can sit on the remaining seat and then proceeds to lay his legs on the younger's lap. Seungkwan always wondered if Jeonghan saw other people as just self-heating pieces of furniture.

"Boy talk, Min. Kwannie doesn't know how to slide on this boy's DMs, so I'm telling him to just forget it." 

"Hmm," Seokmin muses, putting a bit of popcorn in his mouth and passing the bowl over to Seungkwan. "I think hyung is right on this one."

Of course it would be this simple to Seokmin, a man whose boyfriend both would and could buy the moon for him. The two least qualified people to give him a pep talk about boys were right there, sitting on the couch with him.

"That's a good suggestion, but what if, instead of that, I did nothing? It has about the same success rate with way less effort involved." He grumbles, laying his head back against the back of the couch. Jeonghan reaches blindly above his own head, feeling around his arm until he finds a soft spot, and pinches it sharply.

"Ow! Hyung, what the fuck?"

"Since when is our Boo this defeatist?" He says without a flicker of remorse, but several layers of judgement. "I'm disappointed."

"I'm not being a defeatist, hyung, more like a realist, honestly," Seungkwan sighs. "This probably will end up in nothing."

Their phones ding, cutting off the conversation, and Seungkwan willfully pretends he can’t see Jeonghan's searching look until he gives up and sighs, fishing out his own phone from his pocket.

\-------

 **[the salt flats]** **  
****01/14** **  
****[21:03]**

Chan: hyung  
Chan: hyUNG

Kwannie: ? Who are u talking to chan

Chan: any of yall  
Chan: does anyone have a bomber jacket i can borrow  
Chan: i need one for tomorrow and i forgot

Me: I thought you had one? :?

Chan: i did  
Chan: i think  
Chan: anw does anyone have one pls  
Chan: it's an emergencyy

Kwannie: How can a bomber jacket be an emergency wtf

Chan: hyung it's a yes or no question

Kwannie: NO

Chan: rude

hani: Have you tried asking @Soonyoung?  
hani: He probably has a closet dedicated only to bomber jackets

Chan: i did, but he’s not answering :(  
Chan: i think he’s still at practice

Seokkie: I have one and so does Jeonghannie-hyung! I can lend you mine if you need!

Chan: THANK YOU HYUNG  
Chan: finally a useful hyung

hani: hm? :)

Chan: nothing, Jeonghannie-hyung <3  
Chan: Seokmin-hyung, i’ll take on your offer tho  
Chan: can i come get it like, now?  
Chan: it’s really an emergency  
Chan: and i wouldn’t risk lending anything from Hani-hyung

Seokkie: Of course!

|Chan: and i wouldn’t risk lending anything from Hani-hyung  
hani: Atta boy!

Chan: i’m leaving the dorms now, be there in 15min!!!!!!

\-------

 **[the salt flats]** **  
****01/15** **  
****[00:40]**

Soonyoung: Sorry i just saw this!!!! do you still need a jacket chan!!!  
Soonyoung: I was at practice :((

\-------

 **[the salt flats]** **  
****01/15** **  
****[13:04]**

Chan: omg hyung, too late  
Chan: i'm already done with that bitch

Seokkie: Language :c

Chan: by bitch i meant a stupid presentation for which my groupmates thought would be a good idea to wear fucking bomber jackets

jisoo: Sorry, Chan, I just read through the convo, but I wouldn't be of help anyway :(

Chan: it’s ok, hyung :)

hani: Aaaaaanyway, let’s talk about important things!  
hani: Kwannie’s bday bash!

Kwannie: Must we really

hani: Boo you whore

Kwannie: SIGH  
Kwannie: Fine but we Are going to a karaoke ok

Soonyoung: Aww, i wanted to go clubbing 😖

Kwannie: Fuck that  
Kwannie: It's my birthday and i don't wanna see you grinding a stranger

Soonyoung: You don't need to watch tho ;) but if you do, i can make a birthday special ;D

Kwannie: If you were planning on giving me trauma for my birthday, let me just tell you in advance i already have one  
Kwannie: The last time you dragged us to go clubbing with you

Seokkie: It's okay if Jae comes with us? He might not want to go clubbing though

Kwannie: It's fine hyung bc we're NOT going clubbing

Soonyoung: :(

Kwannie: Cry me a fucking river

Seokkie: Language :(

Kwannie: I am not going clubbing on my birthday and that's that on that

Chan: ok, how about we go pub crawling before we get to the karaoke?  
Chan: god knows i need alcohol in my system after this batch of tests and college bs  
Chan: and we can stay until the staff gets annoyed with us and kicks us out

hani: Our maknae is so smart! Papa loves you!

Chan: stop doing that, pls hyung

hani: Hm? :)

Chan: your son is very smart indeed

Kwannie: Ok, so it's settled  
Kwannie: Are we meeting at the bar or at the station?

Jisoo: 8pm? At the Station?

hani: fine by meee~

Seokkie: Yeah, my shift will be done by then, too

Soonyoung: Sure

Chan: 👌

\-------

 **[the salt flats]** **  
****01/16** **  
****[00:00]** **  
****Kwannie changed the group's name from "the salt flats" to "It's Booyoncé's birthday"**

Kwannie: You have 20 minutes

Kwannie: Except you, @jisoo hyung bc i know you're already asleep but you have until early morning

Jisoo: Happy birthday, Seungkwan 🥳🥰 I cannot express enough how grateful I am for being blessed by your friendship for one more year. I wish you all the happiness and success in the world and I hope we'll stay friends for many years to come. You light up our lives and you bring joy to all of you.

Kwannie: Wtf hyung?????? Do u wanna make me cry?????

Jisoo: I was just being sincere. Now good night, folks, until tomorrow 😘

Kwannie: Minnie-hyung just came to my room to personally wish me a happy birthday and he gave me a cupcake and some flowers

Kwannie: I can see y'alls are online @hani @Chan @Soonyoung

Chan: you were born

Kwannie: I'm aware

Chan: good job

**Kwannie removed Chan from "It's Booyoncé's birthday"**

\--

**[makNOT]** **  
****01/16** **  
****[00:11]**

makNOT: hyung  
makNOT: hyung unblock me pls  
makNOT: hyung hyung hyung

me: FINE

\--

 **[It's Booyoncé's birthday]** **  
****01/16** **  
****[00:12]**

Chan: happ borf

**Kwannie removed Chan from "It's Booyoncé's birthday"**

hani: Happy birthdayyyyyy ❤  
hani: Idk what to get u since they dont sell e-boys at the mall :/

Kwannie: A nicer roommate?

hani: GASP  
hani: Maybe ur new NICER ROOMMATE will get u waffles in the morning then 

Kwannie: I'M SORRY COME BACK AND BUY ME WAFFLES OH MOST WONDERFUL OF ROOMMATES

hani: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm  
hani: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
hani: Hm.  
hani: Can we get tequila shots on ur bday bash

Kwannie: Fine

hani: gasp! my darling birthday boy came back ❤

**[00:26]**

Soonyoung: Seungkwannie~ Seungkwan-ah ❤ ❤ We haven't known each other for that long, but you're one of my best and most precious friends ❤ I wish you a very happy birthday full of happiness ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 be healthy~ 🐯

hani: Cute, but you’re late, so  
hani: First round is on you

Soonyoung: But hyung 😭 I had practice until late and you know I type slow 😫

hani: Aw :c  
hani: You still have to pay tho

Kwannie: He's right, i don't make the rules

Soonyoung: Then who does?? D:

Kwannie: God

hani: Yes  
hani: And i said you have to pay :)

⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

They went to a few bars around the neighborhood, then stopped by one in particular where there's a bartender who always gives Jeonghan free refills. The alcohol made them all progressively looser and louder, and when the fifth bar kicked them out for disrupting the peace 20 minutes after they were seated, Chan announced they were then formally Ready For Karaoke.

Whenever they went to a karaoke, at some point, Soonyoung would stand up and sing a ballad. No one knows why. Seungkwan made a Latin beat play along with Park Won's "All of My Life" and the result had him crying from laughter in a corner of the room.

Soonyoung, when not grinding on strangers, was really a lot of fun to go out with, laughing so hard he could barely sing along with the teleprompter. Seungkwan nudged Seokmin with his elbow, laughing along, but Seokmin took a second to respond, and his laughter wasn’t as loud as usual. Ah, right.

Jaehyun had called him five minutes before they left the apartment, apologizing profusely about not being able to make it because of an emergency at the hospital. Seokmin told both him and the rest of the group not to worry, because he is an actual angel, but Seungkwan knew how hard it was for them to make time for each other, and it was obviously putting a bit of a damper on his mood.

Jaehyun had also called the bar to order a round of shots for them on his credit card, because he is genuinely perfect, but that just made Seokmin sigh wistfully into his shot glass, which was just sad.

What did manage to cheer Seokmin up properly was Jaehyun himself, who showed up an hour later with the hospital lanyard still hanging from his neck, and somehow still looking like a 9.8/10 at the end of what Seungkwan knew was a 30-hour shift because the universe plays favorites very openly. Seokmin brightened up instantly, though, looking up at his boyfriend with a kind of delighted surprise, so Seungkwan supposed he couldn’t complain too much.

Jaehyun greeted everyone, wished a very sincere happy birthday to Seungkwan, and then they sort of fell into each other, his hand on Seokmin's knee as they talk about their respective days. Seokmin was telling a story very animatedly, hands flying everywhere, and Jaehyun just watched with a fond smile, laughing at the appropriate moments, and it was nice. It was... it was really nice.

⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

Seungkwan woke up the next morning feeling like death and wishing to be dead. He wondered if it was worth making a trip to the bathroom, until he heard the very distinct sound of Jeonghan throwing up and scrapped that idea. He fumbled around his side dresser looking for his phone, but instead found a tray with painkillers and a glass of water. God bless Yoon Jeonghan.

His phone turned out to still be in his pants pocket, dead to the world because drunk Seungkwan didn't have the foresight to charge it. Fuck drunk Seungkwan.

He walked to the kitchen very slowly. The world was too bright for his first day as a 22-year-old.

On the counter, he found a paper bag that wasn't there on the night before, and attached to it, there was a post-it note written with Jaehyun's neat handwriting. Because doctor's penmanship doesn't affect perfect people.

_"Hi, Seungkwan, I hope last night's drinking didn't upset your stomach too much. I didn't really know what to get you as a gift, but Min assured me this medicine for nausea would be perfect?_

_Anyway, take them with water, and try not to do so on an empty stomach. - Jaehyun ^^"_

God bless Jung Jaehyun.

He contemplated if he should _really_ follow the soon-to-be doctor's instructions, considering he was doubting if he really could keep anything inside, but the sound of the toilet being flushed reminded him that yes, Jaehyun probably knew what he was talking about. 

Seungkwan then plugged his charger on the counter outlet and turned on the coffee machine, while he went on a scavenger hunt for food. He found it on the form of day-old pastries from one of Seokmin's jobs. God fucking bless Lee Seokmin.

He had read somewhere that you're not really supposed to use your phone while it's plugged into the outlet, but having already followed one set of professional instructions for the day, he felt entitled to ignore that particular bit of advice and checked his messages while biting down on a slightly stale blueberry muffin.

\-----

 **[makNOT]** **  
****01/17** **  
****[03:04]**

makNOT: got home safe sound and untouched  
makNOT: the creepy cab driver didnt do anything to me lol

\-----

 **[minnie hyung]** **  
****01/17** **  
****[09:13]**

minnie hyung: Kwannieeeee  
minnie hyung: Are you OK? Did you get the medicine we left for you?  
minnie hyung: Let's go get brunch when you guys wake up :D  
minnie hyung: I have an employee's discount ohohoh >:D

\-----

 **[jisoo hyung]** **  
****01/17** **  
****[04:01]**

jisoo hyung: Sorry, I forgot to warn you guys I got home D: anyway, I'm home

\-----

🐯  
 **01/17** **  
****[07:04]**

🐯: Good morning !!!  
🐯: [image attachment]  
🐯: It's so cold!  
🐯: [video attachment]

\-----

He answered Chan and Jisoo's texts with a simple thumbs up emoji, and actually smiled reading through Seokmin's message. It was unlikely that he would join them for brunch (as he had more than one reason to feel nauseated eating a meal with Seokmin and Jaehyun). He left Soonyoung's message for last, being promptly greeted by selfie, the older doing a "V" sign to the camera and his hair was a hue that was too offensive to be looked at with hungover eyes.

Experience told Seungkwan the video attachment was just five minutes of shaky camera and Soonyoung trying to talk mid-jog, and his still queasy stomach told him to not even chance it, so he decided to check the Twitter notifications instead.

He looked over the Twitter notifications, thinking most of them should be congratulatory messages he got from mutuals, but then he read something that made his internal organs do a gyro-drop inside his body. _@chwenotchew replied to your message._

The screenname made his heart do a Pavlovian jump in his chest, only to plummet all the way down to his stomach as his hungover brain processed the rest of the sentence. _@chwenotchew_ **_replied to your message_ ** _._

Fear makes him set down everything he was holding before opening his DM page with a trembling finger. Jeonghan would later tell that the screech Seungkwan released was enough to break the coffee mug.

\-----

 **_@booboothefool_ **  
hwy  
i can do the thikn. the fish thung? with the mixtaep. i c an do that jsut hmu

**@chwenotchew**  
lol for real???/ like i was motsly joking but yo that wld actually be rly cool if ur seriuos dude :D


	2. The one they kick Liam out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **@booboothefool**  
>  hi by the time u read this i will have flung myself out of my bedroom window. very sorry to have inconvenienced u but fret not bc i will rid the world of the shame of having me as a citizen right away. might i suggest taking a page from my book and getting blackout drunk to hopefully forget this ever happened
> 
> \---
> 
>  **@chwenotchew**  
>  noooooo hahaha  
> dont jump from windows  
> pls reply if u havent  
> actually reply if u have too  
> itd be pretty cool to talk to a ghost lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a brief mention of offscreen suicide

The worst thing about winter is that it's way too cold for cold pizza, Hansol thinks idly, kicking his feet on the kitchen counter as said pizza reheats in the electric oven. The heating inside the apartment is decent enough that it's almost a reasonable temperature, but not enough that the idea of just taking something out of the fridge and biting into it isn't super iffy.

Hansol's phone screen lights up, signaling he got a notification. He unlocks it and it's a reply from Hyunggu on his catfishing tweet. "$100 bucks and im ur man" it says and Hansol just throws his head back and laughs it out.

"Lix, check this out!" He calls out for his roommate, just to be met with silence. Oh, right, Felix went to Australia for winter break. He has been away for over two weeks and Hansol should have gotten used to that, but it always weirds him out how loud the home appliances sound without Felix's low voice counteracting the background noise.

The oven dings and Hansol takes out the pizza, burning the roof of his mouth when he takes a bite. Now it's too hot and he has to wait for it to be cold enough to eat. Winters are the worst for day-old pizzas, he draws a conclusion with a sad sigh.

He checks his phone again, searching for that Patrick meme that says "I only have 3 dollars" and sends it as a reply to Hyunggu, before taking a screenshot and going through a mental list of the people he could send it to. 

Jihoon is probably at the studio because he is a workaholic, a hermit and who knows if he actually has a family to spend time with. He probably wouldn't find it funny either. Mingyu would laugh at that, but he’s in Changwon, at Wonwoo's home and probably cooking for his in-laws. Minghao wouldn't think it's funny and Hansol is not sure what time it is in China, so he's also a no-no. Felix is the only friend who'd appreciate the fine humor in that exchange, but he, as mentioned before, is in Australia and God knows what time it is down there.

The house looks like a hurricane hit it, which is about par for the course whenever Mingyu isn't around to lead the charge against the piles of takeout containers and dirty laundry that spread across the apartment like a landscape of bad choices. Hansol is bored, sure, but not quite to the point of doing cleaning. Lying face down on the floor for five hours would be preferable.

He decides to go out, then. It's still very early in the afternoon and he has to take advantage of the few hours of sunlight he has left. 

He takes the train to Hongdae and even considers stopping by his home for a hot second, but the thing is, when you live a train ride away from home, visiting your parents during winter break doesn't have the same appeal as flying to another continent just to be able to taste your mom's hot chocolate. Hansol would be bored at home too, considering Sofia wouldn't want to hang out with him, and he would have to wear pants, on top of all that.

It takes him roughly 5 minutes of biting cold wind to the face to regret his decision of going out. He stops at a coffee shop, mostly to escape the weather, and buys a giant cup of the cheapest beverage they have available (black coffee, which is mostly gross), which he holds up to his face in hopes the steam will manage to unthaw it.

He walks around the neighborhood for a bit, stopping by a few shops to use their heating until he can feel his toes again. He doesn't buy anything, though, this season's sneakers collection being either too unappealing or too expensive for his taste. 

After a thirty minute walk and a hotteok that burned his mouth for the second time in the span of a single day, he decides it's time to head back to his apartment.

Floor heating feels like a blessing after spending time in -10°C weather, so he just lays on the ground, padded coat and all. When he gets up, there are crumbs, dirt, and other things better left unknown stuck on his clothes and hair.

Hansol sits on the couch, wanting to play a few rounds of Smash Bros, just to remember that Felix took the Nintendo Switch with him. He curses his roommate again without really meaning it, but really, why did Felix have to go to Australia for so long?

He goes to his room and turns on his laptop. Maybe working on a song will help time pass faster. His computer's desktop is a smorgasbord of incomplete works with progressively more confusing titles he lost track of a long time ago. Jihoon physically cringes whenever Hansol opens it in front of him. 

Going with the theme of a cold day and hot food, he opens the last song he had a positive feedback from Jihoon on (working title: Chilli. It's a pun on chilly and chili sauce) and tries to tweak it a bit, but he's not feeling it.

The apartment really is quiet without anyone around, he thinks to himself, turning the TV on for white noise. Sharing a place might have its downsides, but living alone seems kind of claustrophobic, weirdly enough. He settles on the couch, flicking through his phone to see if anyone is online (they aren't), and falls asleep five minutes later.

⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

From then, it develops into a routine. He'll wake up, go to work, get home, try to find something to occupy his time, fail, and end up falling asleep in front of the TV watching old series on Netflix.

He starts spending a lot more time online, not only checking his Twitter feed every ten minutes, but also checking message boards he had long abandoned, browsing through obscure playlists on Spotify and even updating his Soundcloud account with old songs he had stored in his hard drive, but never bothered to upload.

His friends reply to him from time to time, but most of them take a lot longer than they usually would to answer him, and by the time their messages reach him, he has already forgotten what he sent them in the first place.

So he finds himself marathoning The Great British Bake Off out of sheer boredom. It was Mingyu's recommendation, he insisted it was actually a really good show, different from normal cooking competition shows and after the Kitchen Incident #17, in which Hansol and Felix were permanently banished from using their own kitchen, Mingyu said Hansol could actually learn a thing or two from it.

\----

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
finally watching #greatbritishbakeoff after my neighbor told me to like 543654 times   
02:18PM

\----

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
he insisted id like it even tho idk jack shit abt cooking? i guess well see   
02:18PM

\----

He finds only the eighth season to stream online and by the third episode, he’s live tweeting all of his reactions.

\----

**noni**   
@chwenotchew  
  
im vibing with this dude   
  
03:26PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
oh man liam is great   
03:47PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
heck yeah my dude   
05:57PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
wait   
06:29PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
are they for real kicking out my boy???   
06:32PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
WHAT   
06:36PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
THIS IS HORSESHIT   
06:37PM

\---

**noni**   
@chwenotchew   
YO WHAT   
06:38PM

\---

**Kim Mingyu**   
min9yu_k replied to @chwenotchew   
so ur watching season 8? yeh, that was bs ;/   
06:42PM

\---

**noni**   
chewnotchew replied to @min9yu_k   
I KNOW DUDE WTF   
06:43PM

\---

For the next hour or so, Hansol leaves the show playing in the background while him and Mingyu exchange messages about his impressions of it.

Mingyu swears the older seasons had a really fun fixed cast aside from Paul Hollywood (fuck Paul Hollywood) and that Mary Berry should be canonized while she's still alive. Hansol is pretty sure only the Catholic church accepts saints and you need to be dead first to become one. 

Then, their discussion on religious imagery delves into Hansol wondering if he should try baking for once, maybe something simple like cookies, to which Mingyu says, "For the love of God, Mary Berry and Post Malone, please, no".

Mingyu excuses himself shortly after with something about finally learning Mrs. Jeon's recipe for pickled radishes with a voice that sounds choked up even through text, and Hansol realizes he's halfway through the next episode while having absorbed nothing of it. He pauses, trying to figure out what in the world is a miserable cake (apart from the one born of Kitchen Incident #17), before giving up on that thought and turning the laptop off.

Hansol had not realized he had been sitting on the couch since the afternoon and the sun had set without him noticing it. His laptop was the only light source in the entire apartment, and now that it was turned off, he's sitting alone, in the dark, in sweat pants that hadn't seen a laundry machine for who knows how long.

He sighs and unlocks his phone, squinting at its sudden brightness.

Life, on his feed, was happening somewhere that wasn't here, somewhere away from him. It was just like watching a reality show, but instead of quirky British home bakers, he was watching his friends' lives.

⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

Hansol wakes up without knowing he had fallen asleep in the first place. Everything around him is enveloped in darkness and he's so disoriented, he falls off the couch, not even realizing he wasn't on his bed to begin with. 

He looks around, trying to find the shape of his phone in the dark room, and starts feeling around the couch for it when that proves unsuccessful. Just as he's starting to get frustrated, a screen lights up just under his left elbow, revealing the phone half jammed under the couch cushion. 

It's almost 3AM, and aside from one of his games telling that his lives have been replenished, he notices that he has a Twitter notification. A new DM, more specifically, sent about an hour ago. He goes through his mental list of friends and tries to think of someone who'd talk to him that late, but once he looks at the username, he realizes it's from someone he doesn't know.

\---

**@booboothefool** **  
** hwy   
i can do the thikn. the fish thung? with the mixtaep. i c an do that jsut hmu

\---

Hansol chuckles to himself and remembers that actually, he knows that username. He has seen it popping up from time to time, liking, retweeting and replying to his posts.

He sends a quick message back, clarifying that it was mostly a joke, but yeah, he’d really like to try it out. Making new friends is never a bad thing, especially when it comes to finding someone who apparently likes his very specific brand of humor.

His mood is much better now, even though he has just woken up and will probably head to his room to sleep properly on an actual bed. The wave of ennui that hit him earlier is now just a tiny ripple that can barely erase the markings he made on the sand.

He gets up and dusts off his pants and thinks that yeah, maybe a shower would be nice before going to bed. He walks over to his room, turns on the light and assesses the situation before him. It’s way worse than usual, and not even Mingyu’s absence can excuse the amount of dirty clothes and trash lying around the whole apartment. 

For now, he takes care of the easiest task he has at hand. He separates his dirty laundry in three piles: the whites, the blacks and the tie-dyes (just like Mingyu had taught him when he turned all his white T-shirts into tie-dyes during Laundry Incident #5). He throws the pile of rainbow-colored clothing and turns on the washing machine. Then, he changes his bedding and remembers to take a clean towel to the bathroom.

He thinks he gets it now, the whole “self care” thing. Now that his skin feels soft and smooth (thanks to the lotion he has stolen from Felix), and he has actually washed  _ and _ conditioned his hair, like Kaeun is always telling him, he thinks he gets why Minghao loves so much just hanging out wearing a robe and drinking wine with a face mask on. It feels  _ nice _ .

The clean, pure cotton sheets his mother got him feel nice against his skin and the fabric softener Mingyu recommended smells nice too. He sighs into his pillow and falls asleep just like that, thinking he should do the self care routine more often.

⫷ °⧭° ⫸ ♥ ＜◥ _ ◤＞

On the next morning, before leaving for work, Hansol hangs up the load of laundry he put in the machine during the night and puts in a new load to wash while he’s out.

He sets out to work wearing a set of clothes he's 100% sure are clean, even taking out another padded jacket from his closet. His picture might have appeared later in fashion blogs with his face blurred out, as an example of a fashion crime, but he likes it, the neon mix of colors. As a good measure, he wears a colorful beanie he forgot he even had and off he goes.

The hair salon he works at as a receptionist is in a quiet, but charming corner of Gangnam. It's away from the buzz of the main streets and major entertainment companies, which is nice, the only bad thing is that Hansol has to walk quite a bit from the train station. Today he doesn't mind walking uphill, even with the cold wind hitting his face, he even hums all the way there.

The salon has a back entrance, originally meant for employees, but that now functions mostly as the main entrance for celebrities looking to avoid the press; as a result, most employees come in through the front door and cross the shop to get to the lockers. This is how Kaeun, sitting at the counter booting up the PC at the reception, looks up to find him still in his street clothes, her eyes narrowing to sharp slits as they land on the beanie covering his hair.

"Hansol," she says evenly. His smile wobbles on his lips.

She struts towards him and snatches the beanie off of his head, just like a bird of prey when hunting its food.

"Hansol, if you keep wearing these tight hats, you're gonna go bald. Not to mention the dandruff," she says, shaking his beanie as to get rid of any skin flakes and then putting it away.

"I don't really mind, though," he chuckles.

She looks at him horrified, silence draping over them dry and awkward. "Hansol, rethink that sentence and tell me why it's not an appropriate reply to your hairdresser boss."

"Sorry, noona," he says with a sheepish laugh. She rolls her eyes and waves him off to the lockers, already turning back to do five hundred little things before the salon can open. Kaeun runs her store with military efficiency, but deep down, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

When he comes back to the main room, dressed in his uniform, Kaeun already has a chair prepared for him. It has always been like this, he comes in in the morning and either her or Luda, the apprentice, style his hair before the store is officially open for business.

"Did you use the conditioner I gave you?" She asks, lightly running her fingers through his scalp. He hums in response, not really paying attention to the rest of the one-way conversation. Little did he know he had also agreed to re-dye his hair.

Saturdays are the busiest when it comes to the non-celebrity clientele, so between answering phone calls, tending to the customers in the waiting room and sweeping hair off the floor, Hansol has no time to check the phone he felt vibrate a few times in his pocket.

It’s only at lunch break, when he sits at the small table in the staff room with takeout food in front of him that he’s finally able to pick up his phone and look at the messages he has received.

\---

**@booboothefool** **  
** hi by the time u read this i will have flung myself out of my bedroom window. very sorry to have inconvenienced u but fret not bc i will rid the world of the shame of having me as a citizen right away. might i suggest taking a page from my book and getting blackout drunk to hopefully forget this ever happened

\---

**@chwenotchew**   
noooooo hahaha   
dont jump from windows   
pls reply if u havent   
actually reply if u have too   
itd be pretty cool to talk to a ghost lol   
tho ur @ is boo already so idk how ud show the change lol    
boo booboo   
i think thats an anime now that i think abt it

**@booboothefool** **  
** my heart is telling me to stay mortified but my brain is telling me that i can't really be embarrassed to talk to someone who'd make a joke this lame so idk where to go from here tbh

**@chwenotchew**   
wow u reply rly fast

**@booboothefool** **  
** yes i have been dreading this moment for the past few hours, thank you for your concern

**@chwenotchew** **  
** lol y tho   
like   
worst case id just not reply right   
whats the worst i could do dude

**@booboothefool** **  
** i'd rather not think about it, i'm trying to avoid losing all my hair from stress or, as you mentioned before, turn into a ghost

**@chwenotchew** **  
** oh dude both tho   
a bald ghost lol   
or like ghost hair   
like that blue fire from the dude from hercules   
tho my neighbor might be a ghost and he has regular hair   
its just kinda dirty but i think thats more of a him thing than a ghost thing

**@booboothefool** **  
** what do you mean by that

**@chwenotchew** **  
** there's this dude who lives across the hall from me   
and we thought he might be a ghost   
bc we heard that some dude died there before we moved in   
and my roommate was convinced it was him   
turns out it's just how he is

**@booboothefool** **  
** can we go back to the part where your roommate thought he was a ghost

**@chwenotchew**   
sure lmao   
i have 2 get back 2 work rn but ill tell u later ok

\---

Hansol is still smiling as he pockets his phone, rushing to scarf down the cooling takeout carton in front of him in the ten minutes he has left of lunch break. The good mood stays with him for the rest of his shift, occasionally making him snort as he remembers a random bit of the conversation. It happens often enough to catch the attention of his coworkers, since Luda remarks on it as they're getting ready to close up shop.

As he helps the rest of the floor staff to clean up the bits of stray hair that couldn’t be properly swept off during business hours, he sees Luda setting up one of the chairs for a dye job and pities the poor soul who has to stay after work to get their hair done for next season's portfolio.

His hand is on the door handle, ready to face the cold weather when he hears Kaeun cleaning her throat.

"Where do you think you're going, young man?" She has her hands on her hips when he turns around to look at her.

"Uh, home?"

The hopeful smile melts off his face as he stares into Kaeun's icy eyes.

"Hansol," she says with all the exhausted energy of a toddler's parent, "you need to start listening to me when I tell you things."

"So, uh..." his voice trails off as he points to the chair next to which Luda is standing, hair cape in hand and a bright smile plastered onto her face.

Hansol sighs and walks to the chair like a willing victim being sacrificed to the gods of hair dye, dragging his feet behind him. He should really start listening to whatever Kaeun has to say.

By the time he gets home, his ears feel like they're about to freeze right off his skull, since Kaeun confiscated his beanie "until he could be trusted to use it responsibly".

He has to rewash the load of clothes he left in the laundry machine before he left for work because he had no idea he would spend four more hours past closing time and now they all smell slightly moldy.

He manages to keep up with last night’s work and do a very general clean-up in the apartment, collecting the empty containers of take-out he left scattered all over. The “self care” thing does not extend to his meal, though, considering he’s too tired and not in the mood to wait for delivery, so he settles for instant noodles. He picks up a cup of Shin Ramyun that is part of their usual stash and not part of the collection he and Felix managed to amass over the years (Felix would never forgive him if Hansol tasted a new flavor while he was away). He fills the electric kettle with water and while it’s heating up, he turns on his laptop and starts playing The Great British Bake Off from where he left on the last night.

It’s only after he’s done with his lamen that Hansol remembers to check his phone again.

His social media feeds are the usual collection of pictures of his friends having fun with their loved ones, and the ennui threatens to rise again as he scrolls through them distractedly, but he's snapped out of it by the notification that he has a new message.

\---

**@booboothefool** **  
** oh you wanna talk to me again? 

**@chwenotchew** **  
** omg dude sry i took waaaay longer than i thought to get home   
but anw   
yeah    
i mean yeah i wanna keep talking to u   
why wouldnt i

**@booboothefool** **  
** oh 😳   
and it's okay i knew you were working

**@chwenotchew** **  
** nah   
i finished work like   
4 hours ago   
i was held there to do other stuff   
  


**@booboothefool**   
wait, for real? are you getting paid for overtime?

**@chwenotchew**   
i wasnt rly working tho it was just sitting on a chair trying not to fall asleep lol

**@booboothefool**   
what even is your job

**@chwenotchew**   
oh i work at a hair salon lol

**@booboothefool**   
don't answer that   
sdfnsjlk that was just a figure of speech   
don't tell a stranger on the internet personal information

**@chwenotchew**   
haha dude its cool   
its not like smt important   
besides if ur gonna be my fake bf u should know where i work right

**@booboothefool**   
hahahah sorry for making you wait, my roommate wanted to show me something   
so, um, we're doing this huh?

**@chwenotchew**   
sure dude lets do this   
if ur cool with it    
idk how we should go abt it tbh   
but u seem like a cool dude   
so its like   
a victimless crime lol   
like worst case scenario we both get out of this with a new friend so why not right

**@booboothefool**   
if we're gonna pretend to date, should you really be calling me dude?

**@chwenotchew**   
if it bothers u i can try to cut back but ngl thats just how i treat everyone my guy   
friends   
dates   
coworkers   
sometimes my boss   
one time my mom   
u name it

**@booboothefool**   
oh, wait   
i'm a guy tho

**@chwenotchew**   
?

**@booboothefool**   
should i pretend to be a girl?

**@chwenotchew**   
idk should u

**@booboothefool**   
well, it'd be more believable, no?

**@chwenotchew**   
why    
i mean its ur call   
im fine w wtv

**@booboothefool**   
so you're not straight huh

**@chwenotchew** **  
** lol no   
what gave u that impression

**@booboothefool**   
idk if it was an impression per se?   
now that i say it out loud it sounds kinda stupid   
i guess part of me still thinks of that as the default   
which is kinda funny bc i'm pretty sure i have zero straight people in my friend circle so idk where this bias even comes from

**@chwenotchew**   
come to think of it   
i dont think i have any straight friends either?   
just a bunch of gay and bi jocks

**@booboothefool**   
i know one (01) bi jock and he's also a furry

**@chwenotchew**   
oh i guess wonwoo hyung is the token gay nerd of the group

**@booboothefool** **  
** who?

**@chwenotchew** **  
** ah right thats the ghost neighbor i was telling u abt earlier lol   
hes not rly a ghost   
i mean   
obviously   
but my roommate was like 100% convinced   
bc we heard a guy had killed himself in that apartment   
and like   
wonwoo hyung does look the part tbh   
like hes always wearing the same outfit   
and he never leaves the apt   
hes rly pale and he walks sorta hunched over   
if anyone was gonna be a ghost its him   
were all friends now tho its cool

**@booboothefool** **  
** i deadass don’t know what to say to that

**@chwenotchew** **  
** oh shoot sry i shouldnt have mentioned that without asking first

**@booboothefool** **  
** no it's okay, like, im not upset   
i just literally don't know how to react   
tho now that you mention it, maybe we should establish some ground rules?   
like, i wasn't uncomfortable with this in specific, but we could just go over this kind of stuff if we're doing this   
which i guess we are   
"dude"

\---

Hansol smiles at his phone and then notices that once again, he left his laptop playing a show without really paying attention to it. He wonders if he should be weirded out by all this, agreeing to participate in a plan born from a joke, and with a complete stranger, no less. A stranger who made the offer while he was completely drunk.

Even as he thinks that, it feels off to call this guy a stranger, regardless of how little time they've spent talking. Talking to him feels easy and natural, like they've known each other for much more than a couple of hours of messaging back and forth.

And they don't even know each other's names yet.

\---

**@chwenotchew** **  
** ahahah sry   
i think we should tell each other our names   
im hansol   
or you can call me vernon   
ppl here call me noni

**@booboothefool** **  
** mine is seungkwan   
people call me seungkwan

**@chwenotchew** **  
** lol ok sure dude

**@booboothefool** **  
** why vernon though?

**@chwenotchew**   
oh it's my mom's last name   
shes american

**@booboothefool** **  
** oh that's cool   
wait, so your name is hansol vernon?

**@chwenotchew**   
chwe   
last name is chwe   
mom thought it was weird to spell choi   
and pronounce it in a different way

**@booboothefool** **  
** ah, so that's where your @ comes from

**@chwenotchew**   
yeah

**@booboothefool** **  
** oh hm   
mine's boo btw

**@chwenotchew**   
oh lol we match then   
wait ur from jeju?   
oh u dont have to answer that   
unless u want to i guess   
can that be a ground rule   
like   
no one need to answer any questions they dont want 2

**@booboothefool**   
yeah, sure i'm totally on board with it   
and yes, i'm from jeju

**@chwenotchew**   
cool   
me and my friend are planning a trip there in the summer   
we might even bump into each other while im there lol

**@booboothefool**   
oh you should definitely go there   
but i'm living in seoul right now

**@chwenotchew** **  
** wait rly???   
cool me 2   
we mightve even met without knowing lmao

**@booboothefool**   
there are almost 10 million people living here, i doubt that

**@chwenotchew** **  
** but that wouldve been neat   
like yeah   
10 million ppl   
but theres 7 billion in the world and happen to live in the same town   
statistically were there already dude   
also idk how many of those 10 million are in our age group   
wait hang on are we in the same age group   
ur not underage are u   
i fully take back my offer if ur underage

**@booboothefool**   
relax, i'm 22   
i don't think catfish allows participants under 18 years old

**@chwenotchew**   
oh true   
im 22 too!   
my bd is still away tho   
but what are the chances?    
we were born on the same year

**@booboothefool**   
huh   
i still think us having met is extremely unlikely tho   
so, for ground rules   
i think we could also agree not to involve other people unless they're ok with it? especially since there's a chance it'll be on tv

**@chwenotchew**   
for sure   
but why

**@booboothefool**   
because i’ll have to use another person’s photos   
which is the whole point, right?   
so i guess i'll have to use someone who's way better looking than me

**@chwenotchew** **  
** that sounds kinda self deprecating dude **  
** do you have anyone in mind   
like a celebrity or smt

**@booboothefool** **  
** it’s just the truth   
hm   
i do have a friend who might be persuaded to help me   
one of my roommates, to be more exact

**@chwenotchew**   
oh cool   
is he like a model or smt

**@booboothefool**   
no, he's just infuriatingly pretty

**@chwenotchew**   
lol

**@booboothefool**   
we kept a tally for a while of times we got free meals bc the delivery boys covered his order to try to get in his pants

**@chwenotchew**   
was that like a regular thing

**@booboothefool**   
i think it rounded up to about a 50/50 chance of it happening

**@chwenotchew**   
hahahaha wow i wish i had that much free food

\---

Seungkwan, as Hansol learns as their conversation goes, is the kind who likes to have plans mapped out in front of him. He's not as anal about it as Chan or detailed as Jihoon, but he's sure to stablish some ground rules and discuss how it should work between them (KakaoTalk when they're playing their roles, Twitter DMs for when they're not, telling their closest friends about the plan so they don't get confused once they start posting on social media, etc.), and Hansol marvels at it, because he's the kind who goes with the flow.

They settle into a pattern after this, talking throughout the week whenever they can both find the time.

Hansol is even able to squeeze in a few cleaning sessions between work shifts at the salon and his internship at the studio, and by the time Felix is back to the apartment, his roommate even asks if Mingyu had already been there to purge their apartment.

"Whoa," he half whispers, looking around the room with wide eyes. "It looks great, man, congrats!"

"Hahaha, it's not that big a deal, is it?"

"No, it is! Mingyu-hyung might cry, dude."

(Mingyu does in fact cry on the next day, when he comes back from Changwon and barges in armed with a bucket, a new vacuum cleaner he got for Christmas, and a new recipe of homemade disinfectant he learned from Wonwoo's grandma.)

Hansol notices that he's not the only one who changed over the Winter break. He might've learned how to clean after himself, but it's Felix who seems different after coming back from Australia. At first, Hansol thought it were tanned skin and the freckles that seemed to have multiplied after spending under the tropical sun, but it finally clicks when Chan comes at dinnertime for the third time that week: he gives Felix a quick kiss on the forehead, which makes the younger blush. Hansol eyes Chan with a raised eyebrow, and his hyung shrugs as if he's saying "I'm taking what I can."

A part of him is dying to ask about it - as is the group chat, when he texts them about his findings - but a more sensible part of his mind keeps him from prying. Their relationship has always had a rhythm that only really makes sense to the two of them, and if either of them wants to tell him about it, they will. In the meantime, it's enough that they seem happy, he thinks.

And he’s happier, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kids, please don't go around telling personal information to people you met on the internet
> 
> please let us know what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> we used instagrams as twitter handles whenever applicable. seungkwan's had to be handcrafted because this is an utopic universe where pledis doesn't exist
> 
> please refer the karaoke scene to [this](https://youtu.be/tU2oijBcYzU?t=897)


End file.
